1001 Ways to Embarrass Yourself While Avoiding Injuries

How did you get caught? (Or not caught, as the case may be.) Gnawing desperately at the slab of turkey breast I had hacked off the Christmas turkey in near delirium with a plastic fork, I ceased to pay attention to the surroundings. All I could think about was the turkey, the stuffing and my stomach. If ever there was a person fated to be caught doing the rare wrong thing at the exact, precise, worse possible timing… I suppose it would be me. And so, it happened. He walked into the kitchen nonchalantly, and I balked in horror, strips of whitish turkey meat stuck in between my teeth, one finger greasy from the stuffing, the others caressing an especially sumptuously plump mince pie. Dropping the remainder of the turkey in one hand into my cavernous and ravenous mouth, I pushed the pie as far away from me as it would physically go across the slick, faintly oily marble kitchen top. I had been caught eating the leftovers from the Christmas lunch we had … that we were supposed to...

Readers, readers. I have previously and continuously mentioned colleges. Indecisively, I must add, which has continually being annoying for both myself and various family members around me. *cough, cough, MOMMMY* JK, except not really. I've seriously been stressing about it and the words: "Best Fit". Like EEEwwwwwwww. "Find your best fit college." "Let _______ quiz tell you exactly which UC you should attend." "Discover which Ivy League is best for you." Instead of TV shows and embarrassing videos of cats and the Jeremy Kyle show or WWYD episodes, my internet history consists mostly of such titles, which can often be more embarrassing than Jeremy Kyle shouting at a poor, weeping man/woman. I have, my friends, perhaps for better or worse decided to post which colleges I hopefully am applying to. Ish. Hoping to declare my major as political science and end up working as either a diplomat for UN or in finance, I will be happy ...

She. Is. Beast I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. -Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.14 Satsriakal! Shalom!Yeah, we're officially BACK in EP! And I couldn't resist the temptation to start the blogpost with horrible quotes from "Twilight:The Movie"I have so much to tell you! Yes, you, the invisible hypothetical quirky audience that reads my blog. I've been inspired by the 'Confessions of a Klang Valley Girl' post; like hello where was my incredible sense of politically incorrect but somehow spot on-ly hilarious sociological satire essays.  As I am writing this, I am currently surrounded by hordes of pre-pubescent (JKJK, most of them are older than me) trying on prom dresses. It. Is. Crazy.  I am Crazy, but then again, news? I think not. Okay, I digress. Essentially, I became obsessed with Twilight again (is re-obsessed even a word?) because of the (thorn bush song, a.k.a Full Moon-Black Ghosts), spent a INAPPROP...

As I have unrelentingly been unproductive besides a few SAT questions, I have decided to grace the internet, once again, with my awe-inspiring virtual presence. "You cry like a little girl!" This blog is probably going to become a lot more academic since I am so caught up in the 'A-levels' and 'SATs'. (HAHA KIDDING. WHAT IS 'ALEVELS'?) Okay so now to address the elephant in the room, or rather the webpage, little boys cry too. Two words; watch Whiplash. The drum teacher, JK Simmons, yells at Miles Teller and says something along the lines of 'You cry like a little girl' or 'Stop being such a nine-year old girl'? IDK. (#shoutout to my cousin, Mansheel Kaur Randhawa from Kuala Lumpur who gave me this idea) Moving on... Why is this such AN insult? #FEMINISM My cousin said she felt really uncomfortable when she watched the trailer with us, 'us' being a bunch of my male cousins' male friends (one of which I really rea...

The nerve wracking process has begun; the choosing of colleges, the long-list of ECAs to drown the observer, the dazzling scores, the judging expressions of seniors/juniors when you tell them:                                           The disbelief. The questioning. The 'can-you-do-it'? The snide comments. I love it! I love the challenge it presents, the addictive college admissions googling; all of it drove me to do better. I hope. I guess it did occur to me to not post the six colleges I wanted to get in to. I mean what if I got rejected by all of them? The shame! But I also realised, there is strength in honesty and transparency. Even if there were rejections (Stanford, I'm looking at you), the number of people who are kind enough to read my blog (I desperately hope) are surely kind enough not to judge. My American Dream.                ...

'If you are absolutely determined to make a lawyer out of yourself, the thing is more than half done already."- Abraham Lincoln So totally true I think I have finally found my calling; after serious deliberation, and a few nervous nail biting episodes, I have settled on pursuing a law degree then becoming a solicitor/barrister  . After this, I intend to become a judge.  I thought hard about becoming an accountant but how long can one sit pressing a calculator? It's true only the best survive but then again, I really think it runs in my blood.  I would work myself to the bone if only I was given a chance. As Leslie Chow from the Hangover said, 'He gave me a fighting chance. That's all Chow needs.' I'm sure I would enjoy those torturously long hours writing essays, and slaving over court cases.  Marshall Eriksen from 'How I Met Your Mother' is probably my role model. It's not going to be easy, certainly not, but then I am pre...

 "Do it for the LOLZ"/"SAME".- UNKNOWN_GIRL2345 STORY OF MY LIFE “The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.” – Douglas Engelbart If I had a penny for the times I embarrassed myself or my friends, I think I'd be as rich as ...Donald Trump is likely to be voted Feminist of the Year. I mean, seriously, guys, it's a penny!  Then again, it is me! *que the dramatic music* Rightyho, now onto the serious talk! Ugh, I so do dread the serious talks in life. I have no ability to separate my emotions from topics which I talk endlessly about, and if I am coincidentally emotionally distraught about something, then you can be sure that I'll be nattering about it endlessly. The major party pooper of recent has been education. I have decided to pursue an Economics-related degree at university, preferably in the UK. My AS levels are Maths, Further Maths, Economics and History. *there, feels like a ...