1001 Ways to Embarrass Yourself While Avoiding Injuries

How did you get caught? (Or not caught, as the case may be.) Gnawing desperately at the slab of turkey breast I had hacked off the Christmas turkey in near delirium with a plastic fork, I ceased to pay attention to the surroundings. All I could think about was the turkey, the stuffing and my stomach. If ever there was a person fated to be caught doing the rare wrong thing at the exact, precise, worse possible timing… I suppose it would be me. And so, it happened. He walked into the kitchen nonchalantly, and I balked in horror, strips of whitish turkey meat stuck in between my teeth, one finger greasy from the stuffing, the others caressing an especially sumptuously plump mince pie. Dropping the remainder of the turkey in one hand into my cavernous and ravenous mouth, I pushed the pie as far away from me as it would physically go across the slick, faintly oily marble kitchen top. I had been caught eating the leftovers from the Christmas lunch we had … that we were supposed to...

Readers, readers. I have previously and continuously mentioned colleges. Indecisively, I must add, which has continually being annoying for both myself and various family members around me. *cough, cough, MOMMMY* JK, except not really. I've seriously been stressing about it and the words: "Best Fit". Like EEEwwwwwwww. "Find your best fit college." "Let _______ quiz tell you exactly which UC you should attend." "Discover which Ivy League is best for you." Instead of TV shows and embarrassing videos of cats and the Jeremy Kyle show or WWYD episodes, my internet history consists mostly of such titles, which can often be more embarrassing than Jeremy Kyle shouting at a poor, weeping man/woman. I have, my friends, perhaps for better or worse decided to post which colleges I hopefully am applying to. Ish. Hoping to declare my major as political science and end up working as either a diplomat for UN or in finance, I will be happy ...

JAYSUS! When I first encountered CF, it seemed like a perfectly fun, Jesus loving thing to do. I mean, every brown person's secret dream is to be a) white b) say the words "I'm Christian" c) marry a hot white person and d) have mixed milo-coloured babies.... #truth So, can you really blame me for wanting to join? At least the second one would be kind of fulfilled... (something is clearly so appealing about wanting to say 'Hail Mary') because the only white people in our school, are a) intellectual girls or b) the 50 year oldteachers (one of the white girls isn't fully white I think) . But, for your exclusive perusal *shoutout to the SATs, which I probably WONT TAKE because CF ruined my life, I'll get to the point* -5 REASONS WHY CF RUINED MY LIFE ^GG^ #Reason 1: The FIRST maths test I took after I joined CF was a. BARE. MINIMUM. PASS. Like, legitimately *coz computer doesn't understand what legit-ly is* the worst grade ever at KT-Blog/jai...

As I have unrelentingly been unproductive besides a few SAT questions, I have decided to grace the internet, once again, with my awe-inspiring virtual presence. "You cry like a little girl!" This blog is probably going to become a lot more academic since I am so caught up in the 'A-levels' and 'SATs'. (HAHA KIDDING. WHAT IS 'ALEVELS'?) Okay so now to address the elephant in the room, or rather the webpage, little boys cry too. Two words; watch Whiplash. The drum teacher, JK Simmons, yells at Miles Teller and says something along the lines of 'You cry like a little girl' or 'Stop being such a nine-year old girl'? IDK. (#shoutout to my cousin, Mansheel Kaur Randhawa from Kuala Lumpur who gave me this idea) Moving on... Why is this such AN insult? #FEMINISM My cousin said she felt really uncomfortable when she watched the trailer with us, 'us' being a bunch of my male cousins' male friends (one of which I really rea...

Mazel Tov, loyal readers! My relatives have come to visit and one of them, Harry (that's not her real name) is married to a Jewish man, I think? Also, I am obsessed with Jewish culture for some absurd reason; I think it has something to do with shared features, a.k.a the disproportionately large noses. But, moving along, I feel like I must introduce you to Vitas, an absolute legend. The story of how I came about discovering him is quite funny ( WELL did you expect anything different, I mean it's me. :) ) So, basically, one of my best friends from Eastwood Prep tagged me in a Facebook post, with a link to this song- called Opera N2 by Vitas. This is essentially a not-so-subtle reference to when I screamed in the common bathroom in my boarding house. Do I regret it? NO! It was the most therapeutic things I've ever personally experienced; shouting in a public place, that is. I plan on making a parody video of me stepping on a Lego piece to the tune (hard to explain, when y...