1001 Ways to Embarrass Yourself While Avoiding Injuries

How then, and why, suddenly, in this faraway land with four seasons and different spellings, did I long for the humid, tropical jungle of home? It was hard to explain- it was not exactly homesickness, but more an acute sort of love. Very painful and deep in the sewers of the heart, it came unbidden and unannounced inside your soul and mind. It was not that I remembered the jungle particularly well, or even liked it. On the contrary, it was because I had disliked it so much- that vile greenness, the sticky muddiness of the soil and humid festering inside the claustrophobic space, that it had imprinted upon my malleable and impressionable mind and represented to me, home. I began to crave spicy things and began to act very carefreely when I was around other Malaysians. There was a certain comfort to being glib about serious things when you are in the company of your countrymen and women because there exists an invisible shield about you that allows you simply to be. The cultivated Amer...

Nina Bhamra- Meet Nina, the bubbly life of the group whose love life never quite seems to work out as planned. The Psychology major of the group, she's constantly trying to give the rest of her friends advice on how to deal with their lives. Accidentally gets them in trouble when she steals cocaine from her local drug dealer. Ping Pong Jones- Athletic, attractive and a 6'1 ping pong player (in more ways than one), Ping Pong is the wisecrack and smartass that you've been waiting for. Gets her friends out of trouble all the time. Jacob Jacobs- the stereotypical hot white boy that befriends said drug dealer and fucks everyone over. The only reason that they ever get into frat parties. The Chingster Chong- the lesbian musician who is slightly problematic and coincidentally successfully hacks into the North Korean nuclear arsenal and is recruited by a top secret army base in Bakersfield, California.

Chicken salad garnished right you want to be white If you open your eyes I promise you will see The very best parts of me down down down with the revolution and wear an apron make urself palatable to the MASSES. Does it sell if SO call 911 and what's your emergency? cultural barrier language breakdown you are prettier with your hair down... No he's not single, he's got a white girl she's looking for some chocolate swirl she bends like a reed to his will I hate your eurocentric beauty standards. Chicken salad garnished right tomatoes cherries; they don't bite. Have you loved a boy so bad he's good? No, you say, I LOVED a girl.

Yay. Today is great. Got internship but left on read by C. Is he even into me? Doesn't seem like it. I wish that my love life was abundant with attractive men who are super interested in me and unafraid of commitment. Is this going to happen? Maybe. Maybe not. IDK. This sucks. Stay tuned for more perfunctory but relatable content.

oh god, I thought to look at you your head was brown, eyes blue. your whiteness was the problem here it made me want to disappear. you were, Mein Gott, so good so right you even asked if you could take a bite so fragile so wondering and I understand if you don't want this again I'm haunted by the thought of you inside me outside is cold, you tried you put it inside my opening I like you I said you said I'm sorry I had a bad breakup it's - "NOT YOU!"I interrupt. I know where this is going! No no no you say not like that you hug me before you leave. wunderbar Wunderbar you are what a lovely lad come again please i'll open up and this time it'll be better, so fun so tight so wet so much to give Mein Gott oh oh OH!

He had a nasal voice that somehow retained its deep timbre, which produced in me a flurry of sensations. He had broad hands, with tapering fingers that were neither elegant or artisan, but very nimble. He had a way with words that made up for his eclectic arrangement of features- a too big smile with extremely straight, pearly white, surgically perfected-looking teeth on ebony skin. He was not too much taller than 5'7 or 5'8 at most, with broad shoulders and a narrowing streamlined torso. I was deeply attracted to him, and his callous manner, well-oiled like the future politician he would become. There was a sense that he was constantly waiting for something to argue with, to expend his charming sleaziness on, his plateau of well-worn platitudes that he had carefully chosen. There was one he was particularly proud of, his controversial opinion on civil war statues. "I mean," he said, lubriciously, palms on the table then clasped together, "I always think of t...

I did not want to be angry at him. Did not want to let him preoccupy my mind, did not want, desperately, him to hate me. Wanted him back by my side, even though he was only here for a brief period. Goodbye, sock boy. Good bye. Goodbye. Goodbye!