1001 Ways to Embarrass Yourself While Avoiding Injuries

Her dreams were beautiful, they were solid and coloured vividly, as if carefully drawn by an artistic hand on the whitest, purest canvas. And they were always about America. Umrika. Oh, America. Land of Milk and Honey Freedom God Guns Bible thumpers Immigrants Emigrants Hollywood Burgers New York honey You Gotta Say it like Ya mean It Ellis Island Democrats Republicans Trump Clinton Obama You Gotta Vote Are Ya kidding' me? How d'ya werk this damn thing Eileen? Collard Greens Black Lives Matter The Latino Vote Catholics Muslims Christians Sikhs Hindus Jews Buddhists I can't say I guess I'm atheist Wow that's progressive. Umrika. The Real America was hidden somewhere outside her small bubble of posters, irascible like a fever itch in the dark nights. Sometimes the itch was so strong even after she'd thrown off blankets she'd toss and turn , slapping at the slippery sheen of sweaty skin the damp heat swelling everywhere. The Real America was not POS

Dear Boys, I don't know if this letter will pass the Bechdel test or not, but seeing as I am currently grieving for my lack of you in my life, and given the other unfortunate circumstances of rejection, I believe I am granted the rare pass to focus one scion of my attention onto your affairs. Or, rather, my lack thereof. Pardon the pun, although it wasn't really a pun, not really sure what it was. Whatever, um, just, ignore it. Okay! You know how, according to Hollywood archetypes, there's always the 'Cool Girl'. Yeah. Her. The nonchalant, effortlessly blasé girl who doesn't give a damn but yet can do everything under the sun whilst still looking hot. (Examples: Jennifer Lawrence, Mila Kunis, Olivia Munn, Olivia Wilde, my best friend-cum-acquaintance S) Buzzfeed explains this phenomenon well! Yeah, you know what sucks? Like legitimately second-world problems middle class bougie sucks? Being friends with that girl and being the DUFF. Designated Ugly Fat