1001 Ways to Embarrass Yourself While Avoiding Injuries

Dear Ben, Thank you for everything. I never thought I could love someone as deeply as I love you, so completely it overwhelms me. Ben, you make me smile everyday, and laugh and forget my worries, Ben! Ben you are my everything! You are not only a great friend to me, but also a great husband and father to our five beautiful children. Jared and Jesse tell me everyday after school how much they are proud of you, that you fight everyday for  tikkun olam , for acts of kindness at your job. Jessline wants to be like you, and fix the world, Joshua, to think like you and possess your brilliant mind. Jacob, our baby, has your self-deprecating sense of humour that puts everyone at ease. Even our dog loves you, and Vern is such a picky affection-lavisher. You are the reason we all get up everyday and have faith in the world, my social justice warrior, feminist, egalitarian, liberal, Democratic love of my life. Happy 10th anniversary, M.

'Sorry, Q, Mama said knock you out.' I imagine myself saying this to the tall, ginger Q. She has an upturned, ski-slope nose that is somehow in keeping with the rest of her careful, precise features- the small off-purple lips that seem devoid of oxygen, the sparse red eyebrows plucked almost to non-existence, the storm of freckles that dominate her sunken cheekbones that are vaguely reminiscent of a Viking forefather. Sharp chin, angular face like the rest of her, even her personality like her body seemed to be filled with hidden edges, sharp angles, no soft crevice. She'd be shocked, tucking her long hair behind her pointy ears, pressing her folded arms against her chest. Then it would turn into subdued annoyance, at my obstinance, for she hated anyone questioning her authority. 'You what?' she'd say, the words blasé from her puckered painted pink mouth, not like a rosebud but a plump pomfret mouth, the fishy lips quivering indignantly.  Her uppe...